Greetings My Friends!
Today is my 90 days of being sober. I’m grateful!
Photo Credit: @Tarlese
I tried quitting, or scaling back and limiting myself to “two” or “three” if I really wanted it, the problem? I ALWAYS wanted it. Well not always, let me go back a few years…
I hardly ever drank. EVER. Then just over six years ago, I had a weight loss surgery. About a year after that surgery is when I started drinking. It was just occasionally at first. Then it became more and more often, then it was daily. I wouldn’t get drunk daily, (at first) but I would drink daily. I replaced one bad habit, over eating, with another, drinking.
Then I started to get drunk daily, but I wouldn’t start drinking till after Scooby and I got home from the dog park. I told my then husband, as long as I go to the dog park around 3pm and home around 5pm, we’re fine. Famous last words…
My marriage wasn’t perfect, I don’t know many that are, but I do know this now, my drinking definitely didn’t help any. There was a lot going on, but my drinking was a problem, even though I didn’t realize how bad it was. When I say that, I mean bad for me. I know there are others who had, still have a way worse drinking problem than I had. I hope that they get the love and support they need.
August 2012 I left my marriage and moved back to Vegas for a month, then San Diego for a hot minute, then I went to my sisters house in the Bay area. I didn’t drink everyday at this point, but I still drank, some days more than others. I went through a lot of stuff and I didn’t know how, didn’t want to deal with all the feelings and emotions I was going through.
End of March, I moved back to Vegas. I was still drinking. There was one night, where I have to count my lucky stars that I am alright. I won’t get into the details, but the next day, about noon, I called my dear friend who has been sober for 7+ years. She took me to a meeting, I asked her too.
At the meeting, I still felt drunk, and I didn’t think that I was as bad off as all those “other” people. I stopped at that point for a week, I think.
Then I implemented the “two” or “three” drink rule. That worked for a little while. Then it was back to “not even knowing how many I have had”, “to my bar tab is what?” There is lots more to this story, lets just say that there were way to many black out moments, and times that I made a damn fool of myself.
All I can say is thank you to my dear friends (you know who you all are) for taking care of me and having my back. I finally realized that the life I was living was not the life that I wanted and so made the decision, AGAIN to stop drinking. This time was different. This time I knew I was done drinking. Why? Because I decided I was done.
Ya know what? It’s been easy!
I have set myself up for success. If I’m on show site and the crew is going out for dinner, I may or may not join them. It honestly depends on who is there, because lets just face it, I allow some to influence me more that others. Now that I am 90 days into this, I am stronger, for sure, but not bullet proof.
I went out with a dear friend of mine the other night, she had a friend from out of town, and we went to dinner and checked out the sights. I thought about having a drink. I did. I’m human after all, but I was 4 days away from having 90 days sober behind me. That was more important to me than that drink. Did I think about it? Yep. Did I do it? Nope.
I even have vanilla vodka in my house and I have no interest in drinking it.
I was chatting with another dear friend of mine and he had asked how it’s all going, “I said great! Once I decided, I decided. It’s easy.” That go me to thinking, if I can make a decision on this and do it, (or not do it) why can’t I apply this to other areas of my life? Future blog post, most definitely.
Thank you for reading, I am most grateful.